So This Year is Different:

I am usually so excited for this time of year Christmas Season. And I have tried so hard to get into the Christmas Season this year. I decorated my house, been listening to Christmas songs, doing projects with after school class. But it's just not helping. My Grandma who passed away almost 7 months ago was very into Christmas. Her inside and outside of her house would always be full of Christmas stuff, and her house always full of Christmas Spirit. After she passed away I knew that the first holidays without her would be very hard for all of us but I didn't imagine it would be this hard. I miss her so much and Christmas was one of her favorite times of year. She would have her manger up with it all set up except for baby Jesus (she wouldn't put him out until the night of Christmas Eve) after all of her kids would go to bed. My mom did this for us too. My Grandma would have all her Christmas shopping done and wrapped before the 1st of December. One of her favorite things was her Christmas tree they would always get a huge tall Christmas tree, full of lights, ornaments it was always beautiful. There would always be so many Christmas presents under the tree took up half of the living room. But this year is different Grandma has a tree this year but its very small and on her grave this year ( saying that part I'm tearing up) My mom and sisters got my Grandma a very pretty tree and put it on her grave she probably looking at it and loving it. Grandma Christmas is going to be different this year We all love and Miss You tons. MERRY CHRISTMAS Grandma!!

I found this poem made me think of you my Dear Sweet Grandma!!

Missing you Grandma

She'd pull out her picture album, she'd show them as we grew.
She'd pinch our cheeks, and tell us that we were cute.
Annoying that this may sound, I miss all of that
And would give everything, to have it all back.

The last time I saw you, you recognized me not
But in my heart, I know.. you have not forgot.
I wish you were here, to see my kid smile
If you were I know..you'd go the extra mile.

You've always had a gift, to make us all feel loved
And your remembrance to me, is of a morning dove.
You were calm, peaceful, beautiful and serene
And never once.. did I think you were mean.

I wish I had you here with me now
I know you will always be.. with me somehow.
Normally you'd be telling me now, to be brave
But instead, I'm alone taking flowers to your grave.

My Tears are falling  as I write, I really don't want to cry
And what I miss most of all.. is the twinkle in your eye
It saddens me so, that the lord has taken you away
But he said it was your time.. It was your day.

Someday we will meet in heaven, and forever we will stay
Together in heaven, we will see each other.. Everyday.

My favorite Time of Year

CONFERENCE TIME:  

 I want to share some of my favorite quotes from Sat morning and afternoon sessions.. Here they are:

Elder Jeffrey R Holland: To those who struggle or have struggled with mental illness - Remember God’s love for you. It is simply always there. Never doubt that...Faithfully pursue the time-tested practices that bring the spirit in your life...Hope is never lost...Remember the Savior’s own example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it, and trust in better days to come.
Slow down, replenish, refill.
You cannot fix everything. Fix what you can and be grateful for small successes.
We are infinitely more than our limitations.
One day, dawn will break brightly.
Broken minds can be healed. While God is at work, making those repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful, non-judgmental, and kind.

DO we have our game winning plan- S. Gifford Nielsen

Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith - Elder Dieter F Uchtdor

     Sometimes life isn't fair!!!!!

  You know I have been thinking a lot after I saw this quote when I was on the Internet the day and it got me thinking. Here's the quote: Problems are made to make me stronger and tougher. they teach me how to survive. Yes, I don't anyone that says I love problems, I love challenges Give Me More!!! But everyone has problems and challenges that come to them everyday and sometimes we may never know why we face a certain challenge. And not everyone has the same challenges. 

      For instant the challenges I'm going through right now with for some reason not being able to have children at this time is not same problem for someone else.This is a very hard and very emotional challenge that I for some reason must face right now in my life. But as the quote says problems are to make me stronger and tougher. And this challenge has definitely made me stronger it has made me growing closer to my Heavenly Father, its made pray harder than I have ever prayed in my life. It's helped me be happy for my friends, family etc who get pregnant its made me get over my issue and focus on their happiness and get excited for them. This has not always been the case though for awhile I couldn't go to baby showers without crying before or after them, I couldn't look at baby things without crying. But as I look back at those times I think how did I ever get thru this? I got thru these times because my loving Savior was there with me walking hand in hand with me in those times, his love pouring out to me thru friends, and loved ones. 
       Then the other day I said to myself " Megan you can't have kids right now" but think about all the things you do have. I have a loving husband who loves me no matter what and supports me in everything I do. I have a very close relationship with my family and our love continues to grow all the time for one another, my family has always been a huge support system to me, My friends especially my best friends that have been there for me no matter what and have never left me when I complain, or I'm in a bad mood, I have my education I'm getting, I have a job sometimes I don't love my job, but I have a JOB, I have eyes to see everything that has been created for us by our Heavenly Father, I have legs to walk and do what I love ZUMBA with, I have arms to write with, draw with, drive with, throw with. I have all this and more because I am a Daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me. So I might not have kids right now but I have so many things to be grateful that I have that others might not.
        So I want all of you to think about what blessings do I have next time instead of thinking about your challenges your going thru?

  

        Meet my Ferrets 

We got two new pets this year. They are a lot of work but I sure do love them. They are two baby ferrets. Martello ( marty) he's the darker one he was born on March 10th, 2013 and Daphne born on April 28th, 2013 she's the white one

We sure do have a lot of fun with them. They keep me busy and entertained a lot. Hope you enjoyed the pictures of them

   Oh how I miss you Today Grandma!!!

I got this poem from a very close family friends face book wall and I loved it made me think of you Grandma. So to finish my blog about my grandma the other day. She passed away on Mon May 20th, 2013 I will remember that day forever because when she left she took a piece of my heart with her. I still remember after we left the hospital that day We were all crying and just trying to some how get over what just happened. We drove to my Grandparents house ( now it was Grandpa's house) when we walked in we all just starting crying. We all just sat on the couch thinking about Grandma and looking around the house it felt so empty without Grandma there. The rest of the week was very hard and went by very fast tons of family, friends, visitors came in and out of the house all week. We went and picked out the cemetery where she would be out to rest (it's like a 2 minute drive from my mom's house in Benicia), we ordered flowers, gravestone, arranged the funeral who would talk, sing, be the people participating in services etc. That week was one of the hardest week's of my families and my life. It definitely brought us all closer together though. We got to see many family members that we haven't seen for quite awhile. There were tons and tons of people at my Grandmas funeral. We are so blessed for all the food, love, comfort and support we were giving at that time here is what the services included:                    Prayer by my sister Shannon
                    Opening hymn #85- How firm a foundation
                   Eulogy: Uncle Scott
                    Speaker: Kent Killian
                  Special musical number: by us 4 grand kids, Uncle Steven and  my mom ( we sang " I need thee every hour"
                       Speaker:Uncle Steven
                Closing hymn : How great thou art
               Closing prayer: My mom

This is the things about my Grandma
Born: Sat Aug 20th
in Rock Springs, Wyoming
Passed away: May 20th, 2013 Sacramento Cali
Services: Friday May 24th, 2013

 Grandma I miss you!!!

    I lost my Dear sweet Grandma just 4 months ago. My Grandma and I were very close when I was growing up. I was the first grandchild she had. She was there when I was born, baptized, many many birthdays, when I got endowed for my church, when I married in the temple, and for tons of other things in my life. The last time I talked to my Grandma (at that time I didn't know it would be the last time) but it was a Tuesday night May 14th I think it was. We talked almost once a week after I got married and moved to Utah. That night we just talked like normal asking each other how we both were doing, talked about the weather, etc. Then we both said "I love you" and goodnight. I wish that we would have talked longer more often that week if I would have only knew last time I would have talked to her forever and would have never hung up. After that night my week was pretty good until that Sunday night I will never forget that night May 19th, 2013 around 8:15 my time. I was sitting on the couch and I got the phone call I never wanted to get. My mom was calling me so I answered the phone never thought I would hear what she was about to say. This is conversation " Megan, are you sitting down" I need to tell you something there's been an accident with Grandma. Me "WHAT" Is she OK?" My mom " Megan, no she is not OK she fell out of her wheelchair and hit her head on the cement." Me "WHAT" Is she going to be OK?" "WHERE"S GRANDMA" My mom "she's at the hospital "Megan, they are trying to do everything they can for her, but it doesn't look good, they don't think she is going  to make it." "MOM, WHAT Then I lost it like I have never lost it before I was crying uncontrollably. My mom and I talked for a little more then she said I have to go I will call you back so we can make arrangements for you to come down here ASAP. Well I made arrangements with work early the next day which was Mon May 20th and left for Cali. I was crying all the way to the airport, all the way on the plane off and on and lost it again when I arrived in Cali. When I arrived in Cali I got the phone call that turned my world upside down it was from my sister Shannon. "Megan, Grandma just passed away a few minutes ago. She passed away about 3:11pm my flight landed about 3:15pm. She didn't make it long enough for me to say goodbye that's what i kept saying to myself after my sister said that to me. I cried and cried when talking to my sister. She then told me they all at hospital so our very close family friend Shelly (who is like my 2nd mom) would pick me up and bring me to hospital. When I saw Shelly she just put her arms around me and said "Lets go for a walk" we sat down on a bench and we both started crying a lot. We talked for a little bit then got into car and drove to hospital. I called my Nana (she paid for my trip without her I wouldn't have been able to go). As we talked I cried again I couldn't believe it my grandma was no longer here on earth she had passed away. When we got to the hospital Shelly had her arms around me. It took us a little bit to find my grandmas room. My mom, sisters, grandpa, and Scott were all in room when I arrived. I looked at my grandma sitting in the bed lifeless not the way I ever wanted to see her. I went u to her grabbed her arm told her " I loved her and miss her tons" We sat on the bed next to her as a family and just cried, cried, cried. Then it was time for us to leave so that the corner (a very close family friend Chris Cowan) could take grandma with him to mortuary. But before I left room I asked for a min a lone with Grandma. I held her hand said goodbye, miss u tons and love you tons.. I'm too emotional i will write more later

   NO KIDS YET!!!!

  (sorry I'm very blunt in this post)

 In the Church I go to everyone has kids right after they get married and have tons of them well some do but for the few people like me that's it very hard to get pregnant. I don't like being asked these questions. I hate when everyone asks the question: Are you Pregnant? When are you guys going to start having babies? You know your not that young anymore? This questions really make me MAD at times. No were not pregnant, we don't know when we are going to have children its not for lack of trying, and yes I know that I am getting older. We have been married for almost 7 years and we don't know why we aren't having kids yet. It's not easy being a woman and wanting to start your own family and month after month nothing. Then a friend or someone in your ward will say" I wasn't even trying we got pregnant" it's not the woman's fault but that hurts so much. I have cried so many times month after month after getting nothing. The only thing that keeps me going is my Testimony , my Heavenly Father and having my husband who is a worthy priesthood holder that can give me blessings when I need comfort. My very close family members and friends have known everything we have gone thru. The road is not easy one and times I just want to throw in the towel but that's not what I'm going to do. I will get thru this. Because of my faith in my very loving Heavenly Father, my husband, family and friends